Maybe we’re lazy

Im wondering if any of the Momma’s out there have been successful in getting their relatives and friends to remember what it’s like to have a toddler? 

I’m one of those parents whose trying to be “in the moment” as much as possible, which means that after the 9-5 there’s a couple of short hours before the toddlers bedtime. After the bedtime there’s about 30minutes of intense productive time – cooking dinner, bringing in dry laundry, hanging out more laundry, cleaning up toddler messes etc before there’s no energy left. 

The challenge I feel is that the expectation/assumption from the older generation – the assumption that we are lazy because our home doesn’t resemble the home we lived in pre child. The important part is that it’s technically clean although they may not be able to see past the “lived in” theme we’re going for šŸ™Š

So, the renovations aren’t completed, the landscaping hasn’t started yet … Let’s just say if we had a “to do list” for the home there would be about 100 things on it. When there’s just 48 short hours of each weekend and you have a toddler keen to help, even easy projects take longer than expected. The important part I keep in mind is that we only have so long of our child being this age where she wants to be right beside us, it won’t be long until she wants be playing independently and that will enable us to achieve more. 

It leads me to wonder why there’s this judgement, is it because when we were growing up we didn’t know any working mothers? That presenting an immpeciable home was a top priority? 
Regardless of the why there are assumptions made, isn’t it sad that people can’t transport themselves back to having toddlers and remember how life was, add in a few external pressures (working a full time job). Isn’t it time we quit with the judgement and looked for the good? 

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My Own Gatekeeper

You may have notice I have posted less recently. It hasn’t been because I’ve lacked inspiration, there has been more than the normal amount of topics I would have liked to write about. Trust me. 

The reason for the lack of posts and why I want to explain my current struggle is because this blog was set up for me to write, to write about things I feel passionate about, things I feel need to be said. The whole point was being authentic and real. 

I’ve found myself being my own gatekeeper. Having ethical dilemmas within myself and questioning deeply if I should write about these topics – the follow the story/ aftermath of one of my earlier post Friendship awkwardness

The most important aspect of blogging I feel is this rawness and if your not going to be authentic then there’s no point. 

Have you had struggles with being your own gatekeeper? 

 

How to be a good house guest in a baby/toddler household

Over the last 2 years we’ve had a fair few house guests. See we moved from an apartment to a house by the beach, so it was bound to happen. But from all of these visitors I’m sure that I now that I know the key principles of being a good house guest. 

  • You may be on vacation but your hosts mightn’t be, relax, chill out, but help out where you can. 
  • Offer to cook a meal
  • If your hosts suggest getting take out its polite of offer to contribute towards the cost, or offer to pay (if you have the financial means) 
  • If their children instigate play with you, you are obliged to play
  • Children wake up early. Be warned parents can’t change this because you want to sleep in.  No one can quieten down a happy toddler in the morning! If a quiet vacation is what you need them get a hotel! 
  • Be mindful of what you say to the toddler and how you say it. Toddlers are sponges 
  • If you’ve taken up a new habit since last seeing your friends it’s probably a good idea to let your friend know before you ask if you can stay. For example – don’t arrive to stay at a non smoking household with a newborn and announce that your now a smoker. (Yes that’s happened) 

The overarching principle is BE MINDFUL. Don’t make life harder for your host. Life with a newborn, toddler or child can be pretty full on.  If  you make their life that little bit easier your friends will welcome you back with open arms anytime! 

Facebook regret

I sound like a broken record when it comes to Facebook, but I guess it’s the updates that always seem to surprise me that people think positive will come from the negative they post. 

I’ll explain… I don’t know what the average number of Facebook friends the average person has, last time I cared enough to look I had around 200. Is that high, or low? I don’t know, but what I do know is that with that number I see a fair few status updates per week. And based on what I see there are trends and there’s probably 20 odd people who based off their status alone I’ve diagnosed. 

Some people reach out for advice and its a quick way to get opinions, but what I wonder is 6 months to 1 year down the track is that person going to look back and think… Why the hell did I write that? I’m sure we’ve all had those moments from time to time, but what I’m referring to is stretchs of 3-6 months where all posts follow the same theme of “poor me”. 

We all need support from time to time, but is writing for an audience of 100+ about how challenging your life is the right option? I’m always for being my most authentic self, but I worry for these people baring their selves for a handful of likes or a few throw-away comments. If life is challenging you and you feel as though your in need of additional support would it not make sense to select your closest friends,family, your mothers group, or even a professional to talk to, or hey write a blog there would be others facing the same battles! 

Surely getting the same few likes or comments on Facebook  isn’t support enough? 

Letting go of the things we can’t control

Im a perfectionist. Well at least I was before I became a parent. Now the only part of life where I have that much energy and drive is my work and cooking – well the meals I prepare after my Miss 2 is snuggled up fast asleep. 

I learned early on how important it is to let go of the things that are out of my control. It makes for a much more relaxed me and a content baby/toddler. 

At about 9.22pm last night today started for me. Yes I know that makes no sense at all (but stay with me, you’ll see why) so our early night started with little miss’ sickness going to the next level, coughing to the point where she vomited everywhere, including all over her dad, her bedroom and our bathroom. 

So last night marked the beginning point of the week plans pivoting in a different direction. My plans on how my work would be managed shifted and everything else was put on hold. Quality sleep was not had last night and my awfully clingy toddler needed so many cuddles this morning it was 1pm before I had my first coffee! (For those of you who know me in the real world that is an achievement in itself!) at 1pm I did a quick analysis of pros v cons of doing a coffee detox since Id managed 7 hours caffeine free. Coffee won.

The point is, when we let go of what we can’t control and enjoy the shift of what wasn’t planned – day long cuddles with my toddler who doesn’t like to sit still for cuddles anymore. Being present and in the moment. 

We took a little walk to get some fresh spring air. We admired all the beautiful flowers popping up.