Goodbye Miss Positive!

A few weeks ago I wrote a post, to be published at a later date, right before this one, when we hit the 2nd trimester. That post if you’ve read it is a chin up, you’ve got this, little miss perspective and positivity cheerleader type post. 

This week as I’m edging closer and closer to the 2nd trimester miss positivity has left the building. 

I’m fed up. 

I’m fed up of early bedtimes. Needing to be showered and in my pajamas horizontal in bed by 8.45pm or I’m gagging, heaving, eye watering, spewing mess. 

I’m fed up with my body only being able to stomach carbs and fruit. I’m tired of sneaking the odd bit of spinach into a smoothie like I’m trying to hide it from my two year old. 

I’m fed up with people asking if we are going to have another baby or if I’m pregnant and feeling like we have to lie. 

I’m fed up with feeling so useless around the home. I am not contributing whatsoever to the upkeep of our home and my husband is carrying the load at the moment. 

I’m fed up that as these days of having just my sweet little girl are flying by and she is missing out on energetic Mumma. These days we aren’t getting back. 

I’m fed up that I used to live for Coffee. Now the thought of a coffee makes me screw up my nose. 

So you can see I’m fed up. I know it’s temporary and this will all change, hopefully sooner rather than later. But in the meantime while I am grateful to be in this state, I feel guilty, useless and miserable. 

I know my positive perspective will come back soon, but in the meantime this is how it is and I’m so tired of being “all roses” when anyone asks how I am. The first timester can be a very lonely place.