What would you like for Mothers Day? 

That’s the question my husband asked me this afternoon. 

I’ll set the scene before I explain the rest of our conversation and how it went down. I’m 27 weeks pregnant, we have a 2 year old, I work full time, it’s summer and the humidity at the moment is killing me. Bring on winter is all I can say. 

So any Mum will attest being asked what they’d like for Mothers Day is awesome because we can ask for something that’s selfishly for us, something we wouldn’t buy for ourselves. 

A few weeks back I made the mistake of going into a store which I should not have gone into. Mostly because it’s a shop I loved pre-child with my disposable income. So I quickly responded to his question with “a handbag”. His immediate response was “I was thinking of getting you some personal training sessions”. 

[insert WT..actual..FUCK] what kind of monster did I marry?! Surprisingly enough I didn’t loose my shit right then and there. I stewed on it for a few hours before telling him how insulting that was. 

He has now realised what a ginormous fuck up that was. 

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Logistics of Labour! 

It’s amusing comparing the difference between preparing for your first baby and second. 

For the first I was at home, ready for it any time from 38 weeks, our nursery ready, car seat installed, husband purposely planning his work to be within 30 minutes of home in case labour started on a weekday. 

Second time round, we are nearing the end of our second trimester and it’s time to start co ordinating!  The priorities seem so different. I know what we actually need for our baby, we can focus on just the important stuff. The major stressor for me was what we would do with our 2 year old. It feels as though that’s much more under control now with a plan in place. My husbands role has changed since our first baby and it’s common for him to travel into the city and for there to be major delays on the highway (all the time) so that’s something entirely out of my control! Here’s hoping he can juggle things around to avoid having to travel! 

The thing that kicked off my need to logistically plan – for the most inconvenient time of the day (for labour to start) was our midwife told me to prepare for a 3.5hr labour… Considering they want us to labour at home for 1hr to ensure the contractions are consistent and labour is established. Then there’s the 30 minute drive to the hospital and last time there were no parks! I’m not even joking! I made my husband drive laps around the block to wait for a park to be available! 

When it boils down to it going into labour for the second time is weirdly exciting for me, because last time, aside from the parking situation (which now is a little bit funny) things went well and it was a really positive experience. 

If anything I hope it happens overnight or early in the morning or on a weekend! 

What’s in a name? 

I swear I am the most particular person when it comes to names. I put it down to my parents poor choice of mine. No seriously….

So when we were expecting our first baby girl when people asked me what names I like I’d respond with “I like normal, slightly vintage names, think names your grandmas friends might have”. So no made up spellings with extra y’s or x’s, I was thinking normal names that my child won’t have to spell out every time she gets asked her name. Her name was fairly much agreed on early on, although there were a few names that we liked and we’d add to our list along the way. We wanted to see her and see if her name suited her. 

Somewhere around the 4 month mark I was driving to work, listening to the radio and I heard THE NAME on the news. I can even remember where I was in the journey, it was like a massive slap in the face moment. Anyway I added to the list and casually suggested it a few times to the husband, but didn’t want to over invest in it because it was more left of centre than I thought he’d agree to.

Anyway fast forward to 38 weeks and the thought of calling our daughter the name we thought seemed like the worst idea in the world, to the point where the idea totally repulsed me. I mentioned it to my husband and funnily enough, he was feeling the same way. So when she was born we took one look and knew the alternative name was hers. 

22 weeks into this pregnancy and I’m praying that one day soon that I have a name slap in the face moment! The weeks are flying by and we are yet to hear a name that is anywhere as great as the name we chose for our first born, and it’s not like we can have one child with a great name and one with an average one… 

Fingers crossed it happens soon 

Preparing for a newborn – round 2

It’s funny I’m constantly comparing myself to the mother-to-be I was 2 years ago and boy am I different. 

After having my first child I’m less worried about “getting everything organised” Ie. Buying everything we could possibly need for a child. I remember a friend touching base with me just before our first arrived. She has 3 kids and said all you really need is somewhere for them to sleep, some clean clothes, nappys and wipes. And you know what… She was right. All those extra things we have are great (well the majority! There’s some things I shake my head over the money wasted). But you don’t actually need that much for when baby comes home. 

This time round I know what I actually need for baby, and if there was some kind of emergency item we absolutely have to have, then we’ll go and buy it then. But this time the emphasis is on preparing our 2 year old. Getting her moved into a “big girl bedroom” and helping her to try to understand how our lives are about to change. That in itself is going to be a challenge and who knows how successful we’ll be. 

It’s amusing looking back and seeing the shift in perspective. 

How did you prepare for a new baby

The types of newborn mothers

I’ve realised since becomming a parent, there are a bunch of different types of parents out there, and while I’m not across all the types of toddler parents (I’m still consumed by that whirlwind), I have come to some conclusions about newborn mothers. 

“The everything is fine mother”: the mother who you ask how things are going and you get the standard “everything is fine”. You respond with the standard, that’s great. Because what else can you say. You hope behind closed doors things are as good as they make out. 

“The realist”: The mother that can have a laugh at the craziness of being sleep deprived, but crack a joke because they know this is only a phase. The parent who will have honest conversations, who realises that life will never be what it was before, but isn’t chasing that life either. 

The “attention needer”: if their kid has a cold, is grumpy or feels like “the meanest person ever” for taking their kid for immunizations , you will know about it because their Facebook feed is a constant stream of drama. 

“The competitor”: how do you know a pilots in the room? Because they’ll tell you. It’s very similar to the competitor mother. You didn’t even realise you were a part of “the competition” except she thinks you are and she’s determined to win. Your kids not sleeping thru the night, not poo’ing everyday, then you are the looser (in her eyes anyway).

“The quiet achiever”: the mother who goes about her business of mothering, not seeking a medal for her achievements. She’s polite, interested in your journey and will only tell you about hers if you ask. She’s the mum who even if she had something to boast about wouldn’t. 

The newborn stage is hectic and I guess when we break it down it’s a lot about survival mechanisms. What kind of newborn mothers have you encountered? 

2 year old’s emotional rollercoaster

We’ve been very concious and deliberate about the way we’ve approached the topic of “big sisterhood” with Miss 2. 

At first she was absolutely lost for words and pretended like we’d said nothing at all. Which isn’t our kid, I can’t say anything without her taking it onboard and remembering it 4 hours or 4 days later. 

Later the same evening snuggled up in bed she made the statement that she’ll be able to help us with the baby, help feed, cuddle, read stories and the baby can even use her high chair! (How generous! Lol) 

The following morning when we first woke up and first words out of her mouth were there’s a baby in your tummy – I thought ok, we are past the denial. 

No, I was wrong. No amount of talking about how much her little brother or sister will love her, how much mummy and daddy will still love her, nothing would get any form of acknowledgement. Total denial for about a week. I left it. 

There was the odd comment here and there “everybody at school talks about my baby” (with a look of disgust on her face), I suggested when we go Christmas shopping she choose something for “her baby” – I’m not sure if she just loves shopping or the thought of choosing a toy, but immediately she knew the exact bang toy she was going to buy. Cute! 

But aside from that, nothing for a  whole week. Until this morning, driving along heading to school, I’m doing the usual chatter about being good at school, asking who she’ll play with today etc and from nowhere she tells me she is having 2 babies – the elaborates, 1 baby is her auntie and uncles and the other is Mummys baby. It’s funny that it isn’t Daddy’s baby, just Mummy’s. Then for the next 5 minutes she talks non-stop about her 2 babies! 

Maybe we are making headway, or maybe we’ll be back in denial tomorrow! Who knows with a 2 year old!  

Goodbye Miss Positive! 

A few weeks ago I wrote a post, to be published at a later date, right before this one, when we hit the 2nd trimester. That post if you’ve read it is a chin up, you’ve got this, little miss perspective and positivity cheerleader type post. 

This week as I’m edging closer and closer to the 2nd trimester miss positivity has left the building. 

I’m fed up. 

I’m fed up of early bedtimes. Needing to be showered and in my pajamas horizontal in bed by 8.45pm or I’m gagging, heaving, eye watering, spewing mess. 

I’m fed up with my body only being able to stomach carbs and fruit. I’m tired of sneaking the odd bit of spinach into a smoothie like I’m trying to hide it from my two year old. 

I’m fed up with people asking if we are going to have another baby or if I’m pregnant and feeling like we have to lie. 

I’m fed up with feeling so useless around the home. I am not contributing whatsoever to the upkeep of our home and my husband is carrying the load at the moment. 

I’m fed up that as these days of having just my sweet little girl are flying by and she is missing out on energetic Mumma. These days we aren’t getting back. 

I’m fed up that I used to live for Coffee. Now the thought of a coffee makes me screw up my nose. 

So you can see I’m fed up. I know it’s temporary and this will all change, hopefully sooner rather than later. But in the meantime while I am grateful to be in this state, I feel guilty, useless and miserable. 

I know my positive perspective will come back soon, but in the meantime this is how it is and I’m so tired of being “all roses” when anyone asks how I am. The first timester can be a very lonely place. 

Never ask if I’m pregnant

Today marks the 9 week mark and the 3rd time someone in those nine weeks someone has asked if I’m pregnant. 

I could laugh it off thinking I’m doing a terrible job of concealing it, but I’m not. I’m totally livid that people think it’s ok to straight out ask a person if they are expecting. 

Perhaps it’s because we are married and we have a 2 year old, because society norms would suggest we should be considering adding to our tribe that people think it’s ok to ask. 

Well today I’ll let you know, I don’t think it’s ok. 

I’ll set the scene of the 3rd time I’ve been asked. In my workplace, by my  direct manager, in front of my team of colleagues. My first scoff at the question wasn’t enough, she pointed out my non answer to ask again, my response on the legalities of asking that question probably wasn’t my smartest move, because I’m fairly sure my colleagues could see what I wasn’t saying by giving that response. I should’ve just said no. 

But you know what, legally they aren’t allowed to ask. I could’ve kissed my colleague who jumped to my defense informing our boss that it is in fact discriminination because she would never ask my 2 other female colleagues (who have female partners)! 

It’s frustrating, if it was news I was ready to share then she would know. People don’t know others struggles or worries. I see it as a very insensitive thing to do. 

Anyway, I returned from lunch to an apology. Apparently as I left the office my colleague continued to tell my boss how uncomfortable the question makes me. Gosh I love colleagues who have your back! That girls a total gem. 
This post was written at about 8 weeks 

On Struggle St

This week I’m officially on Struggle Street. Functionality limited to essentials only. 

I remember during the first time round I had no idea how to make myself feel better, I remember by about week 10 feeling down, down about how little I could achieve and how extremely tired I was all the time, then how fed up I got with an 8pm bedtime. 

The special part of this time round is that I have a better perspective. I know what an amazing and important job my body is doing, I have little things to try that I learned from last time and I’ve resigned myself to early bedtimes because I know that’s the only way I’ll retain some functionality. Maybe in 3 weeks time I mightn’t have this same perspective, but so far this is what I’m working on. 

So whilst physically I’m struggling having that perspective makes it easier. Although add in the 2 year old to the mix and oh my! Thank god for my husband whose picking up all my slack. He’s a champion. 

I guess my point of writing this is for the first timers, I know feeling like this is hard, but your body is working so much harder than you could possibly imagine, that’s the reason you feel so wiped out. The moment you have your sweet baby in your arms you will see what it was all for and the miracle that your body creates. If it’s your second, third or fourth, I’m with you. Wow this is hard work, but we’ve done it once and we know what it’s all for, let’s try to keep perspective. 

This post was written at 7 weeks pregnant – stay tuned for further posts and perspective shifts! 

If only we’d known …

Tonight I was looking thru my old phone photos, looking at the time before we became parents, when we were pregnant and then when we we had a newborn. A few things that struck me – firstly what a cute pregnant chick I was! And to think that time I didn’t want to post any photos of myself online. To be honest in the last 2 years I haven’t looked nearly as cute, well put together or as well rested, even if at the time I didn’t feel that way. If only I’d known! 

That’s sort of the theme of this post. While flicking thru the photos I saw pics of all these things I was doing to “prepare” for baby. The funniest thing is I thought I was really well organised. And I was. But I laugh at my former self for thinking that this was preparation…

  

If only I’d known that Id probably need 10 packs of maternity pads, nursing pads to last a year, and more nappies than I could fill that closet full.

If someone had warned me on half the things you experience as a new mum I probably wouldn’t have believed them anyway. I guess these are lessons we learn for ourselves. 

Like the lesson on not being cheap when it comes to nappies, sometimes it’s worth the extra expense to contain that sh*t! The nighttime nappy changes, don’t let the cold air in, change it at double speed! When you lift your child’s legs up to pop the nappy underneath your holding a live gun, it can go off! Hurry!! (refer to the pj pic! I swear poop flew out about a foot to hit my cleavage, down my top and all over my pj bottoms) don’t think because they just pooped that they’re good. As my husband found out… 

   
 
Yep new parent problems for sure. If only we’d known!