I could be about to do something which is without a doubt friendship ending. The thing is over the last year I’ve wondered if the friendship has already ended. Are we just in that polite rut of the odd message here and there, “we should catch up” and then never make plans to do so.
My guess is that we are already there. But perhaps my next move is the final nail in the friendship coffin.
I often wonder about the 7-year friendship cycle, the idea that if you stay friends beyond the 7 years then you’ll be friends for life. If I take a step back to evaluate I can’t help but think there’s a lot of truth there. And it also makes me wonder, these people we allow into our lives and share some of the most incredible moments of our lives then disappear or drift off into non friend territory. Do we celebrate what we thought we had at the time and be “ok” with how it is now?
So the “current now” I have is that a friend I’ve known for about 6 years I haven’t seen in over a year. Initially it wasn’t thru lack of trying. She had her second baby and I saw the signs that she might be having a rough time of it. I offered to do the drop in for a coffee and chat thing but there was always a reason why it wasn’t suitable. So I stopped trying and left the ball in her court. Months passed and the contact lapsed. A few months back I initiated contact, she explained how she’d had a rough time post child #2 and gave me 2 options for catching up, both when I am working and obviously something I can’t do. (Working full time, 6 weeks out from giving birth and with my own toddler)
I left it a month to respond because I was pissed off. When I finally did respond I explained that those times wouldn’t be times I could meet whilst I’m working. I’m yet to hear a response. But that’s kind of ok.
See the issue now is that for the last 9 months we’ve been wracking our brains to come up with a great name for our baby #2. We have possibly agreed on one we like. But there is one issue. This friend. 3.5 years ago she told me the name she would name her son. That son was was her baby #2. At the time I had another friend pregnant and she asked me to ask my friend (who she isn’t friends with) for them to not name their child that name. Even though on both sides that name has significant family importance. Naturally I refused to have that conversation – that’s not my place or business to interfere when someone is choosing the name of their babe.
So the issue is the name we are leaning towards is a female version of the same name. I know right, how the hell haven’t we just found another name… Believe me I’ve been trying. But so far we’ve turned up zip!
So you can see why I know that if we do it then without a doubt it’s friendship ending stuff. But maybe it’s already over? Maybe if she cares so little then she won’t care that our kids have a similar name? Who am I kidding…
So yep, I think I’m about to end things.