Letting Go

Before I was a parent I was all about lists and getting stuff done. I needed to complete my lists to feel as though I’d achieved what I needed to for that day/week/weekend. 

Fast forward to becoming a parent to a newborn, I soon realised I had very little control over how and when my “to-do” lists would be completed. Life revolves around these tiny tiny people and when they think things should be done. Ps. Vacuuming, cleaning the bathroom and mowing the lawns don’t rank on a newborns priority list. 

I soon learned that while it was nice to have my goal list, Id be a lot more content if I could ‘let go’ of the need to complete my lists. I’d be able to be in the moment with my small human and enjoy her if I didn’t have the need to have everything organised, checked off and perfect. 

So fast forward 20 or so months and not a lot has changed. While I wish our home looked like a show home, it doesn’t. The family room I swore once wouldn’t be taken over with toys, is. Today for instance my little partner in crime is sick, I knew my day would consist of sitting on the couch reading books – I didn’t envisage 1 book 10 times, but it was. I thought there would be more naps than normal and that I’d get a few things done while she slept. I was happy at the prospect of getting a few extra things achieved when Id normally be at work (winning!) . It turns out that the only naps would be on me and last for 15 minutes. 

The thing is we might think we are in control, but really we aren’t. When we conciously let go of our need to be in control (when it comes to our “to do lists” )we become less stressed and in my opinion better relaxed parents. There will be a day sometime soon when things line up and things get done. But in the meantime I’ll enjoy the snuggles of the latest 15 minute power nap. 

Friend Awkwardness

Friendship awkwardness I don’t know how else to put it. You know when your couple friends break up and you remain friends with them both independently. The first grieving stage is easy because you can understand how challenging the break up is for them. Stage 2 comes along and it’s them throwing themselves into online dating and this is weird but also entertaining as you and all your coupled up friends vicariously live thru the crazy stories of hook ups and the single life. So after about 8 months we’ve hit stage 3 with one of friends like an out of control car plowing into a brick wall. A relationship and pregnancy. 

The same week as stage 3 and cue the re-entrance of the Ex. At this time I’m almost 100% certain she has no idea about stage 2 and 3. And she suggests a group dinner… As in all the couples back together – including her ex…. 

Ummmm yes… Friendship awkwardness this week hit new highs. 

Big Benefits for Kids of Working Moms: Study

Attempting to avoid Mommy Guilt

Yesterday was the day I returned to working Monday to Friday. And giving up that extra day at home with my daughter was a massive step. I think it’s the only time that “mommy guilt” has struck. 

This decision is not financial it’s taking a step back into my career path which has been on pause for almost 2 years. Unfortunately if I’m not “full-time” then it’s seen that I’m not career focused. Which couldn’t be further from the truth. But sometimes it’s about being ambitious and putting your best foot forward to get to where you need to be. So when some comments got made this week that it must be about the money it annoyed me. 

I see my role as mother to my child to not only be her nurturer but to be her role model. My job is to teach my daughter thru actions over words. 

Sure the money will help, it’ll help me hire a cleaner so my weekends a full of family time not slaving over housework. But the decision is far more than a few extra dollars in the bank,  it’s about living the life that shows our child that we live the values that we’re trying to instil in her. 

The struggle to be authentic

Sometimes I find being my authentic self a struggle. I want more than anything to be ‘how I am’ but I also worry that I’ll hurt people’s feelings along the way. For example the people you meet who want to be your friend and you don’t get the same vibe you feel a bit ‘meh’ or the person you thought you knew but it turns out you didn’t we you see another side. I struggle with the cut off. 

It feels although being honest isn’t the right thing to do because it hurts people’s feelings. But at the same time you feel that your not being true to yourself by maintaining these ‘friendships’. 

Over the last few years I’ve de cluttered and removed the drama from my zone, but it’s like the last few boxes from a hoarders home that’s hardest to get rid of. I know that’s a terrible analogy to use. But it’s how it feels. How do you end a friendship without there needing to be a debrief or an argument? How do you both go your separate ways without ill feelings? 

Mothers Day

  
Today were spending Mother’s Day in Fiji which is rather nice in itself but I’ve made a few observations I feel like sharing. 

Fijian people themselves are very family focussed. It’s obvious how their eyes light up when they see families and they make a point of paying attention to our small humans. 

Today countless people have wished me a happy Mother’s Day and that itself is lovely. But I’ve also heard women wish other women without any children present a happy Mother’s Day. 

I think to myself I hope that woman is either pregnant or has children somewhere – and I hope she isn’t a woman who wishes she was a mother. We all know people who a desperately trying for a family and I just hope these ladies aren’t. 

Facebook, the spectacle!

I don’t know about you but I’d love to deactivate my facebook. Back in 2007/8 it was new and cool. But enter every man and his dog including your parents and all distant relatives and the cool aspect of Facebook is gone. 

The bit that stops me hitting the deactivate button is the entertainment it provides. Those trainwrecks you can see coming, those uneducated rants and the wish you could unsee selfies. 

The entertainment value is still too high. I wish I didn’t want to be entertained by that girl I used to know who posts about every single thing; but it’s amusing and a conversation topic when friends get together in the real world. 

There’s one thing I can’t figure out though, do people write these status updates as cries for attention, unaware that everyone is diagnosing them? The conclusion I’ve come to is that there’s far more narcissists than I ever thought I knew. 

Ps. I’d love to enclose some of the selfies just for your entertainment. But I’m still watching that slow moving train wreck. 
  

Dinner for Mummy

  
Does anyone else feel like they’re constantly peeling and chopping fruit and vegetables? I swear it feels like half my day is spent at the chopping board with my paring knife in hand. 

The funniest bit or not so funny is that Miss 20 months is teething at the moment so being incredibly fussy when it comes to food. So the food I’ve slaved over isn’t necessarily eaten by her – daddy usually helps out if needed. 

So tonight after spending what feels like hours organizing food for my gorgeous girl I’m so worn out that I can’t fathom cooking a meal for us, so ironically this is my dinner. 

Does anyone else do this? 

Always a rookie

My small human is now 20 months and I don’t pretend to know it all. These little people are constantly changing it up. We’ll slip happily into a groove and next minute the game has changed again. 

When new parent friends are asking advice or for suggestions i offer ideas but if there’s anything we learn as parents it’s that it’s not one size fits all. You baby may love being swaddles one way another not at all. It’s all about trial and error and not getting too comfortable because the game will change and you just need to go with it. 

I shared a few weeks ago about the battle I was having on Fridays with sleep. My husband thought it was me not trying his “proven” methods of getting our small person to sleep which consist of constant pacing from one end of the house to the other or timing a sit down with the night garden tv show then straight to bed. 

But I’m pleased to report that this weekend he’s witnessed that the game has changed and these methods now no longer work. If the toddler doesn’t want to sleep – guess what… We can’t make her! 

As our kids go thru each stage we feel more equipped and confident to take on the next stage. The realization I’ve come to us even though 99% of the time I feel like “I’ve got this” in my kids eyes I’ll always be a rookie and she’ll put me thru my paces. 

Fiji – 🎬 2

   
Last year we took our first family overseas holiday with our 11 month old to Fiji and in just over a week it’s “take 2” of that adventure. 

I say “take 2” because I learnt so much from my mistakes during the first trip that I’m so sure this time round will be more successful. 

We took the trip for the purposes of some r’n’r before I returned to work after maternity leave and to do some research for our  friends getting married in Fiji (hence this coming trip). 

So bearing in mind our short trip of 5 days we stayed on Denarau Island we didn’t want to do an island transfer with our small person. We chose the Westin Denarau and I was very pleased we did. 

This time round were splitting our time between denarau and an island, so I’ll probably come back with yet another perspective! 

We didn’t use The babysitting service and we are totally kicking ourselves for it. It’s affordable and the babysitters looked to be doing an amazing job. We felt guilty about leaving our little person with a sitter during the trip, but the reality is she goes to bed at 7pm so she really wouldn’t have known any different if we were sitting there while she slept or a sitter. 

Last time round our small person decided it was a perfect time to cut 2 teeth and be rather unsettled overnight, so my lesson learnt is to be prepared to bend the rules. We’re all on holiday to have a holiday & get some sleep. So if jumping into our bed will settle her back to sleep then that’s what will happen. 

I also packed a tonne of organic packaged baby food since I wasn’t sure what would be available. This time round I know how easy it is to get healthy kid friendly food I won’t be worrying about packaged food. PS The Westin’s breakfast is amazing we all enjoyed our breakfasts the most. 

Last time I tossed up which pram to take with us & ended up buying a $30 one – incase the airlines weren’t careful. I am so happy I did, it was easy and compact to get around & definately did the job. So much so that I didn’t throw it away as I expected to at the end of the trip and it’s coming along on this one too. 

The bit that gets me with Fiji is that it’s an easy stress free option when your traveling with kids. The people are genuinely family friendly and welcoming. The moment you arrive you are on holiday. I can’t wait for that tropical breeze, some quality family fun time and of course our friends wedding!