That lazy ass b*tch

I’m pretty sure our holiday guests are thinking the above. Everytime that see me I’m sitting on my butt. 

It’s insane the energy that is robbed by your growing child. The holiday season is rough when your growing a small human. Last time round we had no plans, no visitors and now that I think about it, I didn’t cook the turkey I bought because the thought of touching it sent me reaching, so for dinner I’m ashamed to admit to it we went out for fast food. Yep on Christmas night. So there probably isn’t a lot that is different, except it’s funny/embarrassing that people (other than my husband) witness my useless-ness. 

I’m probably a walking advertisement against having children. 

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2 year olds are funny creatures

2 year olds v Santa

We are 4 days post Santa and our 2 year old is still counting down the sleeps until Santa comes. Why you ask? Because even though she knows Santa came, he missed one of the things off her list. She knows he’s returned to the North Pole, she knows it’s too many sleeps until Santa comes back but she just can’t accept that he missed one. 

Not even with our explanation that Santa thinks she might just be a little bit too small for a skateboard and that she’ll be big enough at her birthday or next Christmas for one.

Oh yes, cue laughter. We know, we’re in for it next year. 

The Santa conversation didn’t end there, it’s popping up all the time. She’s quizzed a few family members on what “Santa” brought them .. 

Miss 2: daddy what did Santa bring you? 

Daddy: ummm some shorts and teeshirts 

Miss 2: no daddy we bought you those (how does a 2 yr old remember that?) 

So yes it’s looking as though Christmas 2016 will need to include “evidence” of Santas landing and specific “Santa” gift wrap that is nowhere to be seen on any other present. 

Umm so yes, we are going to have to pick up our act next year. 

A new project needed! 

I’m at the stage where I think that I need a new project/interest. All I know is that I need something new. 

It’s funny because after the last few months I’ve had no time at all to do anything remotely fun. It’s all been about survival and in the lead up to Christmas it’s about doing what I would have over about 1 month, to do in 1 weekend! Oh my. Anyway that’s tomorrow’s challenge. 

But in the meantime I’ve decided with another stint of maternity leave on the horizon I’m determined to put that energy into something. 

[Ha! Im laughing at myself – who am I kidding, energy. What energy]

What I’m meaning is that after the first 3 months of Maternity leave with my number 1, after the newborn fuzzy days were gone and we got ourselves into a routine, I couldn’t help but get myself sucked into the drama of what was a mothers group. I can see the benefits of that companionship, don’t get me wrong, and gosh I missed my adult conversation that I’d get each day at work, I missed the problem solving and using my brain in the way that you do at work (which is different to being at home). So this time round I think for my sanity/keeping things healthy and positive that I find an interest/hobby/maybe even a part time online gig to use that little bit of downtime in a productive way. 

So it’s lucky I still have 6 months to figure this out. 

Do you have any ideas? 

Surrounded by scumbags

Someone in my office told me a few months ago I’d be surprised how many people I know/know of who are on online dating sites – and she said from the people she’s seen on there not all are single. She was recently separated and must’ve been looking at what’s changed in dating. 

At first I thought it’s sour grapes, surely not, and no I’m not one bit interested to see who these people are. Sometimes it’s easier not knowing. 

Tonight an entirely different colleague showed me a screen shot of a profile she saw last night. A person who we know has a live in girlfriend. It makes me wonder, do these people seek out being “busted” for their antics? Do they love the drama? Seriously what do they think is going to happen? In summary I can’t believe someone seeking out a hook up would post their face and name on a hook up site (one that works off post code/ whose near me crieteria) 

Anyway the discussion shifted to moral dilemmas and repercussions the person would face not only personally but professionally if they were to speak to the girlfriend. It makes me wonder, since when did the scumbag win? Scumbags aren’t supposed to win, karmas supposed to kick that SOB where it hurts. I’m so pleased I never got curious and looked to see who else I know on there, because it’s quite nice burying my head in the sand when it comes to the sordid behaviour of my colleagues! 

2 year old’s emotional rollercoaster

We’ve been very concious and deliberate about the way we’ve approached the topic of “big sisterhood” with Miss 2. 

At first she was absolutely lost for words and pretended like we’d said nothing at all. Which isn’t our kid, I can’t say anything without her taking it onboard and remembering it 4 hours or 4 days later. 

Later the same evening snuggled up in bed she made the statement that she’ll be able to help us with the baby, help feed, cuddle, read stories and the baby can even use her high chair! (How generous! Lol) 

The following morning when we first woke up and first words out of her mouth were there’s a baby in your tummy – I thought ok, we are past the denial. 

No, I was wrong. No amount of talking about how much her little brother or sister will love her, how much mummy and daddy will still love her, nothing would get any form of acknowledgement. Total denial for about a week. I left it. 

There was the odd comment here and there “everybody at school talks about my baby” (with a look of disgust on her face), I suggested when we go Christmas shopping she choose something for “her baby” – I’m not sure if she just loves shopping or the thought of choosing a toy, but immediately she knew the exact bang toy she was going to buy. Cute! 

But aside from that, nothing for a  whole week. Until this morning, driving along heading to school, I’m doing the usual chatter about being good at school, asking who she’ll play with today etc and from nowhere she tells me she is having 2 babies – the elaborates, 1 baby is her auntie and uncles and the other is Mummys baby. It’s funny that it isn’t Daddy’s baby, just Mummy’s. Then for the next 5 minutes she talks non-stop about her 2 babies! 

Maybe we are making headway, or maybe we’ll be back in denial tomorrow! Who knows with a 2 year old!  

Goodbye Miss Positive! 

A few weeks ago I wrote a post, to be published at a later date, right before this one, when we hit the 2nd trimester. That post if you’ve read it is a chin up, you’ve got this, little miss perspective and positivity cheerleader type post. 

This week as I’m edging closer and closer to the 2nd trimester miss positivity has left the building. 

I’m fed up. 

I’m fed up of early bedtimes. Needing to be showered and in my pajamas horizontal in bed by 8.45pm or I’m gagging, heaving, eye watering, spewing mess. 

I’m fed up with my body only being able to stomach carbs and fruit. I’m tired of sneaking the odd bit of spinach into a smoothie like I’m trying to hide it from my two year old. 

I’m fed up with people asking if we are going to have another baby or if I’m pregnant and feeling like we have to lie. 

I’m fed up with feeling so useless around the home. I am not contributing whatsoever to the upkeep of our home and my husband is carrying the load at the moment. 

I’m fed up that as these days of having just my sweet little girl are flying by and she is missing out on energetic Mumma. These days we aren’t getting back. 

I’m fed up that I used to live for Coffee. Now the thought of a coffee makes me screw up my nose. 

So you can see I’m fed up. I know it’s temporary and this will all change, hopefully sooner rather than later. But in the meantime while I am grateful to be in this state, I feel guilty, useless and miserable. 

I know my positive perspective will come back soon, but in the meantime this is how it is and I’m so tired of being “all roses” when anyone asks how I am. The first timester can be a very lonely place. 

Never ask if I’m pregnant

Today marks the 9 week mark and the 3rd time someone in those nine weeks someone has asked if I’m pregnant. 

I could laugh it off thinking I’m doing a terrible job of concealing it, but I’m not. I’m totally livid that people think it’s ok to straight out ask a person if they are expecting. 

Perhaps it’s because we are married and we have a 2 year old, because society norms would suggest we should be considering adding to our tribe that people think it’s ok to ask. 

Well today I’ll let you know, I don’t think it’s ok. 

I’ll set the scene of the 3rd time I’ve been asked. In my workplace, by my  direct manager, in front of my team of colleagues. My first scoff at the question wasn’t enough, she pointed out my non answer to ask again, my response on the legalities of asking that question probably wasn’t my smartest move, because I’m fairly sure my colleagues could see what I wasn’t saying by giving that response. I should’ve just said no. 

But you know what, legally they aren’t allowed to ask. I could’ve kissed my colleague who jumped to my defense informing our boss that it is in fact discriminination because she would never ask my 2 other female colleagues (who have female partners)! 

It’s frustrating, if it was news I was ready to share then she would know. People don’t know others struggles or worries. I see it as a very insensitive thing to do. 

Anyway, I returned from lunch to an apology. Apparently as I left the office my colleague continued to tell my boss how uncomfortable the question makes me. Gosh I love colleagues who have your back! That girls a total gem. 
This post was written at about 8 weeks 

On Struggle St

This week I’m officially on Struggle Street. Functionality limited to essentials only. 

I remember during the first time round I had no idea how to make myself feel better, I remember by about week 10 feeling down, down about how little I could achieve and how extremely tired I was all the time, then how fed up I got with an 8pm bedtime. 

The special part of this time round is that I have a better perspective. I know what an amazing and important job my body is doing, I have little things to try that I learned from last time and I’ve resigned myself to early bedtimes because I know that’s the only way I’ll retain some functionality. Maybe in 3 weeks time I mightn’t have this same perspective, but so far this is what I’m working on. 

So whilst physically I’m struggling having that perspective makes it easier. Although add in the 2 year old to the mix and oh my! Thank god for my husband whose picking up all my slack. He’s a champion. 

I guess my point of writing this is for the first timers, I know feeling like this is hard, but your body is working so much harder than you could possibly imagine, that’s the reason you feel so wiped out. The moment you have your sweet baby in your arms you will see what it was all for and the miracle that your body creates. If it’s your second, third or fourth, I’m with you. Wow this is hard work, but we’ve done it once and we know what it’s all for, let’s try to keep perspective. 

This post was written at 7 weeks pregnant – stay tuned for further posts and perspective shifts! 

Shock & Horror! 

Little Miss 2 & I attended her first dentist appointment yesterday. It was moved forward because the night before I’d found a big chip out of one of her teeth. Cue sad face and the worry that her gorgeous little face with a perfect set of baby teeth would now be more like a hillbilly. 

Isn’t it funny when your childless you can easily get thru the supermarket or sitting in a waiting room without a conversation with a stranger. But as soon as you have a baby or child that all changes. 

We are happily sitting in the waiting room chatting to each other about what we can see and what was about to happen, when a middle aged woman who had overheard us speak with the receptionist asked me if she had chipped her tooth? And how that had happened. Without thinking I said it had happened at Daycare (#thetruth). 

So firstly, it wasn’t until after the conversation I thought – what the hell?! That wasn’t the end. 

Her face turned up like she’d just smelt off milk as I said daycare. Then made a “oh those irresponsible carers” look, followed by insisting on knowing which centre it was. 

For anyone with a toddler, you’ll know how crazy toddlers are and the things they get up to, it could have happened anytime. It really annoys me that people feel they need to be like that about daycare and implying that because I’m not angry that there’s something wrong with me – ha ha. The final clincher… Her comment that it’ll now cost me! I couldn’t help myself at this point, “oh it won’t be too bad”, followed by fixing up the bill while she was still waiting in the waiting room – and it not costing a thing due to our health insurance. 

So to the middle aged woman who was judgy and negative – and who also tried to scare me two year old at her first appointment by saying how “scary” the dentist is, I hope you enjoyed seeing my happy little poppet leave the dental surgery totally ecstatic with her new toothbrush, balloon and sticker after having a cool ride in the dentists chair, and seeing a relaxed mumma just go with the flow.