Friend Dating

A few weeks ago I was having a conversation with a group of women about how challenging it is making friends in your 30’s when your partying days are behind you. 

Fast forward to being married, with kids and in your 30’s. Yes,  we can make friends through work or mutual friends, but outside of those social circle we agreed it seems much harder. Plus as a woman to ask another woman out on what is basically a friendship date?! I don’t know about you but I find exposing myself to that level of vulnerability – frightening. The thing is making friends with a person shouldn’t be a scary thing to do. 

A few months ago I was leaving the doctors office talking to my daughter as we were walking to the car. I hadn’t noticed a woman parked next to my car. She struck up a conversation with me, we had a quick conversation about our kids. It was so unusual for someone to stop to ask after someone they didn’t know and to let another mum know she wasn’t alone. It was a beautiful moment. 

At the time the little voice inside was saying “ask her out for a coffee – go on” .  But asking someone if they want to be friends is a bit weird. You know when you get a vibe off someone – the I could definately be friends with her or the wow I could not be friends vibe. Besides the fact that we both have impeccable taste in vehicles (matching cars) I got a nice vibe from her. 

Don’t you wish it was easier to become friends with people without coming across as a weirdo stalker?! I live in a fairly small town, so hopefully next time my path crosses with the nice mum I’ll ask her on a friend-date! 

Letting Go

Before I was a parent I was all about lists and getting stuff done. I needed to complete my lists to feel as though I’d achieved what I needed to for that day/week/weekend. 

Fast forward to becoming a parent to a newborn, I soon realised I had very little control over how and when my “to-do” lists would be completed. Life revolves around these tiny tiny people and when they think things should be done. Ps. Vacuuming, cleaning the bathroom and mowing the lawns don’t rank on a newborns priority list. 

I soon learned that while it was nice to have my goal list, Id be a lot more content if I could ‘let go’ of the need to complete my lists. I’d be able to be in the moment with my small human and enjoy her if I didn’t have the need to have everything organised, checked off and perfect. 

So fast forward 20 or so months and not a lot has changed. While I wish our home looked like a show home, it doesn’t. The family room I swore once wouldn’t be taken over with toys, is. Today for instance my little partner in crime is sick, I knew my day would consist of sitting on the couch reading books – I didn’t envisage 1 book 10 times, but it was. I thought there would be more naps than normal and that I’d get a few things done while she slept. I was happy at the prospect of getting a few extra things achieved when Id normally be at work (winning!) . It turns out that the only naps would be on me and last for 15 minutes. 

The thing is we might think we are in control, but really we aren’t. When we conciously let go of our need to be in control (when it comes to our “to do lists” )we become less stressed and in my opinion better relaxed parents. There will be a day sometime soon when things line up and things get done. But in the meantime I’ll enjoy the snuggles of the latest 15 minute power nap. 

The Blissful Disconnect

This morning I expected to return to the weekly grind with a jolt but that didn’t happen. 

The gorgeous toddler sleeping in (6.40am – that’s a sleep in) may have helped, as may have the triple shot latte. But you know what I think it was.. It was the 4 blissful days of being in the moment with my family and friends. I checked-out and disconnected. And I recommend it. 

I didn’t turn off my mobile, as your probably wondering. Actually my phone was my vessel for such a successful weekend. We organised so many activities and catch ups with our friends that it was essential. 

So when I say I checked-out and disconnected what I mean is that I was solely focused on my little family unit. Not interested in checking the news websites that I’ll normally look at a few times a day and I didn’t think about my work – at all. I didn’t consciously think I’m going to forget about work, i was just so in the moment that it never crossed my mind. 

We took the time to travel to visit friends we hadn’t seen for a long time & other friends traveled to visit us. It’s amazing how reconnecting can re-energize you. Our time was spent with our tiny little human who constantly surprises us with how grown up she actually is. 

We can get so caught up in our monday to Friday slog and the weekends can be just as busy preparing for the coming week that we don’t make time for things that nourish our soul. 

I know the long weekends don’t come around as often as we’d hope and that our weekday slog whether it be Monday to Friday or all over the show can be exhausting. But if you can try to carve out some time to reconnect, re-energize, disconnect from the interference/noise and be in the moment I promise you you’ll be glad you did. 

I have a wonderful friend …

You know those moments when you sit back and reflect on how truely fortunate you are for that one special friend being in your life. That friend who you met purely by chance. I have one of those friends. 

She’s the woman who works 6 days a week building and running her own business, a toddler with their own steady stream of daycare illnesses and the woman who makes time in her day to check-in when she knows I’ve had a rough day or we’ve had illnesses in our own home. 

The last 4 weeks have been a steady stream of flu, conjunctivitis, chest infections, second round of conjunctivitis and now we’re onto ear infections. This constant stream of having to cancel social outings, not being capable of doing all of my responsibilities at work and the challenges a sick toddler thrown in the mix has made for some meltdown moments. 

This woman is incredible, just by checking-in it’s like the thousands of kilometres between us are gone. The best part is having that friend that you know ‘gets it’ and knows these days too. 

These are the relationships that are valuable, the friendships that can survive years without constant contact, but when you reconnect it’s like no time has past at all. When I reflect on how fortunate I am to have this friend, I’m also grateful that we are sharing moments of having young families and able to lean on each other from time to time.