Mothers Group for 1

I sit here in a cafe ordering a muffin and a coffee, we’re going to call this morning Mothers group for 1. As a second time Mum I was unsure if I needed a mothers group because I’d been there and done that. It turns out you’re never too experienced to get something out of a new tribe of women. 

Today though when my little one woke with a runny nose I knew the catch up planned wasn’t going to work. As a second time Mum I know kids get sick, it seems like they get sick often! But I won’t be the Mum that exposes a bunch of baby’s to germs – even though the chances are they’ll get sick soon too – from someone else’s bugs. I don’t want the new mums cursing me at midnight as they tend to their snuffled up babe. 

So I sit here with my coffee and muffin hoping my babe will fall asleep in her pram, thinking one of the big differences between new mums and second mums is the “rush”. The first time mums have been keen to try activities with the mothers group. Whereas I’m keen for now for the mothers group to be about the mums, coffee and catch ups, bubs sleeping in prams or playing with toys on the grass. If the kids aren’t on the move why not lap up these waning weeks and let the catch ups be for us. As not a new Mum I know that once the kids are on the move the game changes and then life is all about keeping our babes happy and entertained. But for now let’s be selfish, let’s let these mornings be for us, god knows having company one morning a week is something to look forward to, let’s not hurry this stage of mummyhood. 

So today with my babe and her runny nose, we will sit and chill in a cafe, babe sleeping in her pram and mumma in blogging land, lapping it up. 

Logistics of Labour!

It’s amusing comparing the difference between preparing for your first baby and second. 

For the first I was at home, ready for it any time from 38 weeks, our nursery ready, car seat installed, husband purposely planning his work to be within 30 minutes of home in case labour started on a weekday. 

Second time round, we are nearing the end of our second trimester and it’s time to start co ordinating!  The priorities seem so different. I know what we actually need for our baby, we can focus on just the important stuff. The major stressor for me was what we would do with our 2 year old. It feels as though that’s much more under control now with a plan in place. My husbands role has changed since our first baby and it’s common for him to travel into the city and for there to be major delays on the highway (all the time) so that’s something entirely out of my control! Here’s hoping he can juggle things around to avoid having to travel! 

The thing that kicked off my need to logistically plan – for the most inconvenient time of the day (for labour to start) was our midwife told me to prepare for a 3.5hr labour… Considering they want us to labour at home for 1hr to ensure the contractions are consistent and labour is established. Then there’s the 30 minute drive to the hospital and last time there were no parks! I’m not even joking! I made my husband drive laps around the block to wait for a park to be available! 

When it boils down to it going into labour for the second time is weirdly exciting for me, because last time, aside from the parking situation (which now is a little bit funny) things went well and it was a really positive experience. 

If anything I hope it happens overnight or early in the morning or on a weekend! 

On Authenticity….

If you’ve followed my blog for awhile or if this is your first time reading (thanks & welcome) you will know that I’m constantly striding to be my most authentic self. 

I remember one of the very first blogs I stumbled across was a Mom    Amber who wrote from her heart about her struggle with post natal depression, it was insightful, honest and authentic, it was also inspiring. It led to months of deliberation as to how I could express what I thought and be ‘ok’ with putting it out there. {Check out Amber’s blog “when depression creeps into motherhood”  Read it here! }  

It’s amazing the connections we make in the virtual world through authenticity and today it’s got me thinking, how do we encourage our real life peers to be their most honest selves? How do we get people to see that by them showing us their imperfect self it leads us to love them even more? 

For example, there’s another working Mum who I’m becoming friends with, last night we ‘bonded’ over our untidy homes and how our friends need to overlook this when they visit!  In reality they probably aren’t that bad, but we’ve made the conscious decision to leave constantly tidying for spending precious time with our kids.  

It gets me thinking, when we have these REAL interactions with people and friends, how much better does it leave us feeling? I love it. But then how are we best to approach friends who aren’t being real? You know the people who present their lives like everything is perfect 24/7 – when we all know that having kids, toddlers or babies is not plain sailing all the time, there’s ups and downs and it’s all normal. 

So how do you encourage real and authenticity in your relationships? 

Not my monkeys, not my circus!

It’s my favourite saying at the moment … “Not my monkeys, not my circus!”. I find that I can use it in all aspects of my life – lol except for when it is my 2 year old monkey and then it is my circus! 

As a working parent I feel that the perspective I bring to my job has shifted considerably from my pre-child self. I’m not sure how describe the shift, perhaps it’s more patience, empathy or understanding… Maybe it’s the ability not to get dragged into drama or avoiding drama completely. 

I joked with a colleague yesterday as we read an email, I said how much do you wish you’d won the lottery last night? She agreed. The response to the email would be “not my monkeys, not my circus” and on that note you’d probably need to pack your things and leave!! Lol 

I guess the reality is i can’t “use it” everyday (out aloud) but if I think it in my head then at least it makes me giggle! Then I get on with the monkey training. 

Real Mumma’s

How refreshing are “real” mummas?! I love it when you hear Mums being real with each other. 

Today we were at a 1st birthday party and while the majority of the mums are onto their 2nd or 3rd baby there was one mum there with a 3 month old. I overheared one of the experienced mums give some support by way of sympathizing with how challenging the 3 month stage is and ask the mum directly if she’s had her exhaustion induced “break down” yet? 

I loved hearing a more experience mother put a new mum at ease by normalizing what we all go thru at one time or another. So many people are so intent on putting up these beautiful “walls” of “everything is ok” they forget we are all in the same boat and experiencing very similar things. 

I love REAL MUMS! Let’s all be real or get real. 

Pregnancy Phobia

So it turns out Pregnancy Phobia is a real thing. It also turns out that a woman at my workplace suffers from it (is “suffers” the right term? I don’t know) but anyway incase you missed it – I’m a pregnant woman. 

I’d never heard of this phobia before and when my colleagues warned me about our other colleagues phobia I didn’t really take it seriously. You see, at work I’m there to work. Sure I’ll have a chat to my colleagues about whatever but I won’t instigate speaking about my pregnancy. That’s just a bit weird and personal. Although I have been asked some awkward questions from time to time and I try to give the best awkward/TMI responses to those! 

Anyway so we managed to get to about 19 weeks before I wore a fitted top /it was obvious and then things became weird. 

It’s a bit of a shame really, because as a person I thought she had a great personality and I thought we clicked. But the obvious avoiding is now in its 2nd week and honestly I don’t understand it. I want to say just pretend I’m getting really fat! We can ignore this, just go back to being normal. 

Has anyone else experienced this? Or has a phobia of pregnant women, if so give me some tips! 

Pregnancy Pressure

And I’m not talking about that pressure on your bladder! 

Has anyone else experienced the incessant questions? This time around they’ve either changed from last time or their just annoying me more. The pregnancy fogs stopping me from clearly deciphering the difference! 

This time is about our/my decisions: 

• Are you making it Facebook official ? Yeah coz the basketball under my shirt isn’t going to pop out until it’s on Facebook. Ha 
• Are you going to have a surprise this time? Because finding out at 20 weeks for when you give births is still technically the same number of surprises you’ll get, your just getting it earlier. And for an organizer like me it would kill me, not having all the outfits purchased, washed and organised in the wardrobe. I may have done an inventory list this weekend. Yep 
• Have you told (insert friends name) yet? Followed by: why not? I guess she’ll find out eventually. Guess what, Weve told our nearest and dearest, if we haven’t specifically told someone then read between the lines. 
• How do you think Miss 2 will go? Who the f knows?! But guess what we’re going to find out soon enough. And it’s not like we can put the baby back if she doesn’t like it. I’m sure she will be just fine eventually. But thanks for point out how challenging it might be, I hadn’t realized that for myself. 
• Would you like a coffee? I mean can I get you a decafe, no caffeine for you! Actually I haven’t had a coffee today, don’t make it a decafe I need the hit, get me a small! (How about you don’t try to control me, thanks much appreciated!) 

Perhaps it’s me, maybe I’m more sensitive. Actually yes I am. But really… How hard is it to be positive and mind your own business! 

A new project needed!

I’m at the stage where I think that I need a new project/interest. All I know is that I need something new. 

It’s funny because after the last few months I’ve had no time at all to do anything remotely fun. It’s all been about survival and in the lead up to Christmas it’s about doing what I would have over about 1 month, to do in 1 weekend! Oh my. Anyway that’s tomorrow’s challenge. 

But in the meantime I’ve decided with another stint of maternity leave on the horizon I’m determined to put that energy into something. 

[Ha! Im laughing at myself – who am I kidding, energy. What energy]

What I’m meaning is that after the first 3 months of Maternity leave with my number 1, after the newborn fuzzy days were gone and we got ourselves into a routine, I couldn’t help but get myself sucked into the drama of what was a mothers group. I can see the benefits of that companionship, don’t get me wrong, and gosh I missed my adult conversation that I’d get each day at work, I missed the problem solving and using my brain in the way that you do at work (which is different to being at home). So this time round I think for my sanity/keeping things healthy and positive that I find an interest/hobby/maybe even a part time online gig to use that little bit of downtime in a productive way. 

So it’s lucky I still have 6 months to figure this out. 

Do you have any ideas? 

Surrounded by scumbags

Someone in my office told me a few months ago I’d be surprised how many people I know/know of who are on online dating sites – and she said from the people she’s seen on there not all are single. She was recently separated and must’ve been looking at what’s changed in dating. 

At first I thought it’s sour grapes, surely not, and no I’m not one bit interested to see who these people are. Sometimes it’s easier not knowing. 

Tonight an entirely different colleague showed me a screen shot of a profile she saw last night. A person who we know has a live in girlfriend. It makes me wonder, do these people seek out being “busted” for their antics? Do they love the drama? Seriously what do they think is going to happen? In summary I can’t believe someone seeking out a hook up would post their face and name on a hook up site (one that works off post code/ whose near me crieteria) 

Anyway the discussion shifted to moral dilemmas and repercussions the person would face not only personally but professionally if they were to speak to the girlfriend. It makes me wonder, since when did the scumbag win? Scumbags aren’t supposed to win, karmas supposed to kick that SOB where it hurts. I’m so pleased I never got curious and looked to see who else I know on there, because it’s quite nice burying my head in the sand when it comes to the sordid behaviour of my colleagues! 

2 year old’s emotional rollercoaster

We’ve been very concious and deliberate about the way we’ve approached the topic of “big sisterhood” with Miss 2. 

At first she was absolutely lost for words and pretended like we’d said nothing at all. Which isn’t our kid, I can’t say anything without her taking it onboard and remembering it 4 hours or 4 days later. 

Later the same evening snuggled up in bed she made the statement that she’ll be able to help us with the baby, help feed, cuddle, read stories and the baby can even use her high chair! (How generous! Lol) 

The following morning when we first woke up and first words out of her mouth were there’s a baby in your tummy – I thought ok, we are past the denial. 

No, I was wrong. No amount of talking about how much her little brother or sister will love her, how much mummy and daddy will still love her, nothing would get any form of acknowledgement. Total denial for about a week. I left it. 

There was the odd comment here and there “everybody at school talks about my baby” (with a look of disgust on her face), I suggested when we go Christmas shopping she choose something for “her baby” – I’m not sure if she just loves shopping or the thought of choosing a toy, but immediately she knew the exact bang toy she was going to buy. Cute! 

But aside from that, nothing for a  whole week. Until this morning, driving along heading to school, I’m doing the usual chatter about being good at school, asking who she’ll play with today etc and from nowhere she tells me she is having 2 babies – the elaborates, 1 baby is her auntie and uncles and the other is Mummys baby. It’s funny that it isn’t Daddy’s baby, just Mummy’s. Then for the next 5 minutes she talks non-stop about her 2 babies! 

Maybe we are making headway, or maybe we’ll be back in denial tomorrow! Who knows with a 2 year old!